I woke up at about 2am with a start worried about Jezebel. Being sore all up and down my left side from my tail-bone to my atlas vertebrae in my neck didn’t help but really it was because I kept thinking and worrying about my girl. My mind racing with what ifs. What if shes injured again, what if were in for another layup, all the hospital paddocks are full how will i get her on restricted movement of thats what i need to do, what if this rearing thing is permanent, how much is it going to cost me to fix this and on and on and on. I do worry about her and rightly so but this was just ridiculous. It was about 5am when i decided to put on the TV to see of it could lull me to sleep. How Its Made was on the science channel its my favorite put ya to sleep show. Engaging enough to keep your mind occupied not enough to stay awake to watch. Then I popped a couple of Aleve and bingo back to sleep should have done that sooner!
I’m gonna head on down to the barn this afternoon and check on the girls. No snow yet but it did rain all night and is still raining now but who knows what it looks like at the barn. If the ring is too sloppy wet then I wont put Jez on the lunge until tomorrow to check her out. I want to make sure I set her up for success. It’s worming day for my ponies so i can do that and I have my first yoga class tonight. This will be interesting because i feel like i got run over by a truck but i swear i’m not going to let any of this stop me from doing anything i had planned. I’m trying to be the ball, or the donut hole or whatever you wanna call it. Being raised a Buddhist (hippie parents, yo) i know all about over coming obstacles that are suddenly put in your way as soon as you are making progress. There some Buddhist word and theory for just that thing. Thats what all this feels like and i need to be in the moment and take steps not to be detoured from my goals for myself and my horses.
Falls are part of the deal and though I’m all about minimizing your risks especially now that I’m older and feel injuries more then i used when i was young and fearless. I’m well aware that you cant have horses and think you’re never going to get hurt, or run into issues you didn’t expect. I wear a helmet for that reason. Back in the olden days helmets were for jumping and horse shows only. I don’t need to be that reckless but i flat out refuse to let fear of an injury overcome me. I am not afraid of my horse(s) but i’m also aware of my personal limitations. Enter my trainer who will help me work though this, i’m lucky to have her. I will not allow any kind insidious fear response creep up on me and live in my head. I see too much of that as it is in the horse world. As things stand now i think this is a fixable problem and i’m going to take it as it comes, i’m not the first person to get put off because their horse reared, i wont be the last.